Yes, we co-sleep.

In the beginning, it wasn't by choice; Daniel simply wouldn't sleep in his bassinet and I thought he was still a little too small for his crib. Then, it became a choice. I pushed to have him sleep in his crib, I suspect it came from the guilt of not having him sleep in something my parents bought (and my mom so looked forward to buying). The transition was easy enough and he falls asleep nicely... in the beginning. Then the 2 am feeding rolls around, I just spent the last few hours sleeping like a rock so getting up to lift my screaming son from his crib feels like I'm lifting a starfish out of the ocean from the top of a cliff with chopsticks. I have. NO. ENERGY. Then comes time to actually feed him, all I want to do is nurse him laying down. It's God's gift to women to be able to do that only until I wake up an hour or so later and we're both fast asleep and my boob is cold. So after his first feeding, he never actually makes it back to his crib. Oh the plight of breastfeeding mamas...

In the beginning, a cosleeper bassinet...

A little over a month later, getting used to his crib.

Last night was the first night I looked at my son tucked into his crib, so cute and adorable and not anywhere near ready to fall asleep and thought, I can't do this. He started to squirm and wimper as I willed him to close his eyes, so I did what I kept telling myself not to do: I picked him up. I took him to our bed a few feet away, snuggled into my pillows next to his already-sleeping dad, and Daniel fell right to sleep. That's when I realized co-sleeping is what we're meant to do with our boy. He is that kid you read about that won't sleep without his parents close by. It was further evidenced by the nearly 2 hour-long nap he took today, first with me on the bed and then almost immediately on his dad's chest after he woke up in a sudden screaming fit. He hardly ever takes naps that long, never in his crib.

Most middle of the night feedings end up with this...

But I mean, how adorable is this?!

I'm still terrified that I'll wake up one morning and he'll have suffocated on what little blanket we use (since, you know, it gets so cold here in San Diego), or the pillow I make sure to keep many inches away from his head will have magically migrated itself up and over my son's face. I'm also afraid that Gary will get in a car accident on his way home from work, or that I'll never find a job as an RN anywhere. So I guess I should stop being afraid and probably just hope more. Hope that soon, he'll sleep better in his crib so I can actually have my entire side of the bed back and that our next kid will be less keen on sleeping on mama or papa than Daniel...

Last night. Sigh...